I Have Nothing to Say and I Am Saying It

<MAKING BEING HERE ENOUGH>Roni Horn

I don’t want to read.
I don’t want to write.
I don’t want to do anything but be here.
Doing something will take me away from being here.
I wan to make being here enough. Maybe it’s already enough.
I won’t have to invent enough. I want to make being here enough.
Maybe it’s already enough. I won’t have to invent enough.
I’ll be here and I won’t do anything and this place will be here, but I won’t do anything to it. I’ll just let it be here.
And maybe because I’m here and because the me in what’s here makes what’s here different, maybe that will be enough, maybe that will be what I’m after.
But I’m not sure. I’m not sure I’ll be able to perceive the difference. How will I perceive it?
I need to find a way to make myself absolutely not here but still be able to be here to know the difference.
I need to experience the difference between being here and not changing here, and being here and changing here.

I Have Nothing to Say and I Am Saying It by John Cage

圖書館搬書的2年 >>【Books I Have Checked Out】

想要出國唸書的人, 需要準備什麼? 需要強健的身體，因為除了要唸書要玩樂，還要搬像磚頭重的外文參考書。我記得我申請到英國的設計學校時，在錄取通知後緊接著寄來研究書單--先來個震撼教育，告訴你，要有心裡準備不是來混的！
為了讓搬書工作能順利，我常常像空姐一樣，拉著登機箱在校園裡穿梭，到了星期五，都會有人問我要去哪裡渡假。我就像患了知識匱乏強迫症一樣， 所有教授同學推薦的書都借來看，在書店 ( Barnes & Noble, Amazon ) 看到的書也用借的，為了怕這麼多書不小心會過期，我都會將借書單列印出來，最後還為了這些書做了一個【Books I Have Checked Out】的 project。
至於這些書，是不是都看完? 設計和藝術的作品集都看完，理論的書只有選某些與研究專題相關的章節讀，在芝加哥唸書，你可以透過學校網頁向當地州 ( Illinois State ) 內80多所大學借書，幾乎任何書都可以借到，包括中文小說。最後這些書當然都歸還圖書館，有些書捨不得分開就付了錢，讓他們一起回台灣。我們會在以後的時間慢慢看見， 認識這些書--

【Books I Have Checked Out】
Stop stealing sheep & find out how type works
Typography: the annual of the Type Directors Club
Helvatica: homage to a typeface
Type : no borders, no boundaries, no limits
Thinking with type: a critical guide for designers, writers & editors
Letterforms bawdy, bad & beautiful : the evolution of hand-drawn, humorous, vernacular, and experimental type
Reading images : the grammar of visual design
Research : writing on graphic design
Mental leaps: analogy in creative thought
Visual analogy: consciousness as the art of connecting
Another way of telling
Phenomenology of perception
Integral: Ruedi Baur et Associes= Ruedi Baur, Integral and Partners
Art of looking sideways
Beware wet paint
Design without boundaries: visual communication in transition
Laus 01: 31st Laus Awards, best of design and advertising in 2000
Experimental formats: books, brochures, catalogues
Tibor Kalman, perverse optimist
New models for growth and profitability: thoughts on annual reports, and how corporate culture feeds the document
Identity kits; a pictorial survey of visual signal
Utopian entrepreneur
Creating value by design
Logos for the Kunsthal Rotterdam
Experience, the media rat race : photography, art, architecture, fashion, publicity, advertising, entertainment, technology ; Foto Biennale Rotterdam V
Design for the real world; human ecology and social change
Smile in the mind: witty thinking in graphic design
Chip Kidd
Identiteiten: Rotterdam 2001, culturele hoofdstad van Europa=Identities: Rotterdam 2001, cultural catital of Europe
Hors-Sol: Poster actions in Switzerland
Constructions: design/ integral Ruedi Baur & associes
ID : an international survey on the notion of identity in contemporary art
Visual explanations: images and quantities, evidence and narrative
Other inquisitions, 1937-1952 / Jorge Luis Borges /
Visual word: experimental typography and modern art
365: AIGA year in design 2001
False flat: why Dutch design is so good
Area
Massive change
Life style
Soak, wash, rinse, spin : Tolleson Design
Metaphors we live by
Mutations: Harvard Project on the city
Fashion system
Consumer society: myths and structures / Jean Baudrillard
Simulacra and simulation / Jean Baudrillard
Forever Barbie: the unauthorized biography of a real doll
Photography, a handbook of history, materials and processes
Close range: Wyoming stories / Annie Proulx
Artist’s book yearbook.2001
Information design
Designing visual interfaces: communication oriented techniques
Copy proof: a new method for design and education
Basic photography
Thoughtless act?: observations on intuitive design
Invisible cities / Italo Calvino
NoiseFour:+NoiseLab, CultureLife, RealityArchive
Universal principles of design: 100 ways to enhance usability, influence perception, increase appeal, make better design decisions, and teach trough design
Graphic design for the 21 st century
More paper work: exploring the potential of paper in design and architecture
Grafik design: after the end of print
Paper engineering:3D design techniques for a 2D material
Extra spatial: focuses on ideo’s design of interactive environments
Why Not Associatres
Design secrets. Layout: 50 real-life projects uncovered
Surprise me: editorial design
On writing: a memoir of the craft
Stopping by woods on a snowy evening / Robert Frost
Lover’s discourse: fragments/ Roland Barthes
Art is a spiritual path
Cutting edge advertising : how to create the world’s best print for brands in the 21 st century
Creative advertising: ideas and technigues from the world’s campaigns
Advertising today
No-copy advertising
Wonderful town: New York stories from the New Yorkers
Medium is the message
Visions of modernity: representation, memory, time and space in the age of camera
W, or The memory of childhood / Georges Perec
Is Taiwan Chinese? : the impact of culture, power, and migration on changing identities
Historical dictionary of Taiwan
Intimacy or integrity: philosophy and cultural difference
Taiwan: a political history
World is flat: a brief history of the twenty-first century
Drawing from life: the journal as art
Forbidden nation: a history of Taiwan
Becoming” Japanese”: colonial Taiwan and the politics of identity formation
Experimental cinema in the digital age
Joy Luck Club / Amy Tan
Farewell my concubine / Li, Pi-hua
Sound, feelings, thoughts: seventy poems/ Szymborska, Wislawa
View with a grain of sand: selected poems/ Szymborska, Wislawa
Dot & the line: a romance in lower mathematics / Norton Juster
Elephant vanishes / Haruki Murakami
Experimental packaging
Perfect vacuum / Stanislaw Lem
Complete short stories of Ernest Hemingway
Housekeeping / Marilynne Robinson
Einsteins’s dreams / Alan Lightman
Principles of form and design
How many bugs in a box? : a pop-up counting book / David A. Carter
Power of paper in graphic design
Japanese graphics now!
Forest and the trees: sociology as life, practice, and promise
Once: pictures and stories / Wim Wenders
Grandpa’s angel / Jutta Bauer
Powerful page design: top designers lay out their concepts to reveal their inspirations
Jon’s moon / Carme Sole Vendrell
Griffin & Sabine: an extraordinary correspondence / Nick Bantock
Editing by design: for designers, art directors, and editors: the classic guide to winning readers
Memory, history, forgetting
1000 type treatments: from script to serif, letterform used to perfection
Time and narrative
Double or nothing: a real fictitious discourse / Raymond Federman
Persistence of history: cinema, television, and the modern event
Typography: macro-and microaethetics
Writer’s workbook: an interactive writing text
Nothing happens: Chantal Akerman’s hyperrealist everyday
Sagmeister: made you look
Sculpting in time: reflections on the cinema / Andrey Tarkovsky
Grid systems in graphic design
Selected poems / E.E. Cummings
Qian bei huai / Luo Yijun 遣悲懷 / 駱以軍
Future of nostalgia
Sabine’s notebook: in which the extraordinary correspondence of Griffin & Sabine continues / Nick Bantock
White graphics: the power of white in graphic design
Eunoia / Christian Bok
Droog Design: spirit of the nineties
Identity and memory: the films of Chantal Akerman
Yes Yoko Ono
After the quake: stories / Haruki Murakami
Information architecture for designers: structuring websites for business success
History of grapgic design
Women and men on the overland trail
Dickson’s misery: a theory of lyric reading
My wars are laid away in books: the life of Emily Dickson
Encountering Eva Hesse
Louise Hopkins: freedom of information: painting , drawings 1996-2005
Taipei on the move
You’ll never know: drawing and random interference
Infiltrate: the front lines of the New York design scene
Less+ More: Droog Design in context
Testaments betrayed: an essay in nine parts / Milan Kundera
March: an novel / Brooks, Geraldine
It is beautiful—then gone / Martin Venezky
Blue hour / Carolyn Forche
Colours of light / Tadao Ando
Boundaries / Maya Lin
Book of laughter and forgetting / Milan Kundera
Poetics of space / Gaston Bachelard
Encyclopedia of papermaking & bookbinding
VAS: an opera in Flatland: a novel / Steve Tomasula
Hiroshima mon amour / Marguerite Duras
Alphabet abecedarium: some notes on letters
Wordtree: A Transitive Cladistic for Solving Physical and Social Problems
My life as anexplorer / Sven Anders Hedin
Diary from Dixie / Mary Boykin Chestnut
Stone reader
Willful creatures: stories / Aimee Bender
Woman who fell from the sky: poems / Joy Harjo
By it’s cover: modern American book cover design
KGID: Konstantin Grcic Industtrial Design
Penguin by design: a cover story,1935-2005
Lewis & Clark: the journey of the corps of discovery: an illustrated history
Lincoln’s assassins: their trial and execution
Photography and the Old West
Snow flower and the secret fan: a novel / Lisa See
New Scandinavian design
Where the sidewalk ends: the poems & drawings of Shel Silverstein
China man / Maxine Hong
Tripmaster monkey: his fake book / Maxine Hong
Synonym finder
Longman Language activator
Language as object
Library of Babel / Jorge Luis Borges
Crystallography / Christian Bok
You are here: personal geographies and other maps of the imagination
Silence / John cage
Chinese in America: a narrative history / Iris Chang
Ficciones / Jorge Luis Borges
Thousand moons on a thousand rivers / Hsiao Li-hung 千江有水千江月/ 蕭麗紅
Labyrinths: selected stories & other writings / Jorge Luis Borges
Story of A
Dragon’s gate / Laurence Yep
Anchor book of Chinese poetry
Evidence: the art of Candy Jernigan
Humument: a treated Victorian novel / Tom Phillips
Island : poetry and history of Chinese immigrants on Angel Island 1910-1940
Ann Hamilton
Book of sand / Jorge Luis Borges
Louise Bourgeois: la famille
Irresistible decay: ruins reclaimed
Bill Viola
Bruce Nauman
Helene Cixous readers
Kiki Smith: Prints, books & things
Kiki Smith: a gathering
Fall / Amy Newman
Structure of the visual book
Tent / Margaret Atwood
Morning in the burned house / Margaret Atwood
Letterpress: the allure of the handmade
Imagining language: an anthology
Written in memory: portraits of the Holocaust
Lover / Marguerite Duras
Language of smell
Cage-Cunningham- Johns: dancers on a plane: in memory of their feelings
Text-Sound texts

【時間在後來會贈予我們什麼】>> 讀駱以軍的經驗匱乏者筆記

第一次看完駱以軍的書，是在芝加哥。 從圖書館裡借來的【遠方】，書裡集結他在壹週刊固定發表的專欄 〈別懷疑，數字週刊也有認真悲傷的作家駐足〉 ，我就跟著書進入一個個虛實交錯的夢境，一個人隨著夢囈傻傻地笑著。

後來讀到他為了好友袁哲生自殺所寫的【時間在後來會贈予我們什麼】，談到《五年級的小說家—這些靠文學獎拔耀而出線的五年級作家， 在這些媒體上露臉常以其他形式 〈短書評專欄文字、採訪、 配合專題企劃的遊戲之作 〉，這些五年級作家鮮少犯錯，配合度高，對於編輯邀情總能以不可思議之專業能力合乎框架限制完成。》

《我對哲生的提早離開感到震怒且傷心， 我們不是曾在青春啟蒙時不看小說先翻讀那些偉大小說家們的創作年表? 》《哪一個不是老狗賴活拖著死在書桌前的最後一行字? 我們不是曾經相信波赫士說的：我把我的歧路花園留給許多未來 〈不是給全部的未來〉…..難道如我一位尊敬的朋友所說：一個偉大小說家一輩子寫一本小說就夠了，那之後的，種種的錯誤嘗試、敗筆，和真實世界打交道的泥濘行軍，在到達下一本真正代表作出現之前的痛苦書寫， 暗夜孤燈和魔鬼交換經驗…..的一切，都不算數了嗎? 》

《這樣的虛無與苦悶在一個接一個五年級頂尖小說家自殺之後，便成了集體的啜泣和驚恐…..他們的作品終於在靜止後被人們痛惜珍貴地駐足閱讀。自殺變成了小說漫漫徒刑最欠缺想像力的行動劇? …小說的時間從來不該是如葬禮般被凍結的時間。》

《一個登山家的一位晚輩在他們視為朝聖地的後又白峰墜崖而死，那之前這位青年陷入一場對一有夫美婦的絕望之戀， 但這個主角非常嚴峻地相信：對一個偉大的登山家來說，到後又白峰攀登是一件近乎宗教之舉，決不可能帶著塵世之糾葛。他力抗媒體，要求專家鑑定，截斷的登山索是心智惑亂下的粗疏，而非刻意切斷， 那一切只因一個固執之念：他絕不是自殺，他只是失足墜落。》

這是目前讓我最感動的紀念文章， 我看到他們誓言攀越小說這座高峰，他怎麼可能放棄了，《他只是失足墜落》，我聽到了作者大聲嘶吼，回音迴盪在山谷間。

這裡，小說家告訴我們，時間在後來會贈予我們什麼，那是什麼? 沒有人有標準答案，或許不會有答案，我想到最近的傳奇人物--競選美國總統的歐巴馬， 他在1995年曾經出版個人自傳， 他本來是想要成為一個小說家，美國媒體評論，他擁有小說家的筆觸，一個文化人如此說，這或許是什麼他的演說能如此撼動人心，締造傳奇。

參考閱讀
《經驗匱乏者筆記》＋《西夏旅館》>> 駱以軍
《靜止在：最初與最終》 >> 袁哲生
《波赫士全集》>> 波赫士
《歐巴馬的夢想之路-以父之名》>> 歐巴馬
《文茜的世界週報》>> 陳文茜《中天新聞台 / 每週六日晚間十點到十一點》